13 Conflict Resolution Essentials

Gaining The Confidence For Difficult Conversations

July 30, 2022 | Relationships Teamwork & Career
By Adam Gragg

Successfully navigating conflict is how you build trust and intimacy. Having conversations about areas of disagreement is healthy. People who consistently avoid conflict miss out on information, insight, and closeness in relationships.

Unfortunately, this polarized approach eliminates the opportunity for dialogue. A dialogue, by definition, involves two people gaining an understanding of each other’s point of view. This requires listening for learning & understanding while withholding judgment.

Here are 16 essentials to navigating situations where there’s a strong difference of opinion.

If you found this information helpful, SUBSCRIBE TODAY to access my free video & worksheet, Shatterproof Yourself Lite: 7 Small Steps to a Giant Leap in Your Mental Health.

16 Conflict Resolution Essentials

1. Stay Calm

Maintain a curious tone and positive body language. When angry, separate yourself from the situation by taking a time-out, then reengage.

2. Start Right

Start softly, maybe with a sincere compliment like “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention” or saying, “I might be misunderstanding something.”

3. Be Assertive

Communicate your feelings & needs assertively, NOT aggressively. Express them using I statements like “I’m overwhelmed and want help” or “I’m confused and would like some clarification”.

4. Focus

Focus on the issue at hand, NOT your position on the issue. Ask “what” and “how” questions to dig deeper into everyone’s perspectives on the issues. It’s more important that you understand everyone else’s point of view than expressing your own.

5. Learn

Accept and respect that opinions differ. View the diversity of opinion as positive. New thoughts and ideas help you find new and innovative solutions.

6. Do Not Compete

Don’t view the situation as a competition, where one wins and the other loses. Work toward a solution where both parties can get much of what they want.

Because people aren’t perfect and relationships are messy, we all need to learn how to resolve conflicts. — John Maxwell

7. Focusing on Agreement

Instead of areas of disagreement, it leads to a quicker resolution. For example, if you are criticized by a co-worker for being disorganized, state “we can agree that I’m disorganized”. This diffuses the other person.

8. Refuse Defending Yourself

Defensiveness is an emotional state. Stick with the facts and be cautious with your feelings. Instead of arguing your point, ask clarifying questions about their position instead.

9. Breathing Is Your Friend

Get into the habit of breathing deeply while in a conversation.

10. Silence Is Your Friend

Remember that waiting to respond because you are thinking about your answer is fine. You can easily wait 3 to 7 seconds as you think things through without be rude. Just explain that you like to think about your answers before answering if it seems awkward.

11. Withhold Judgement

Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what another is feeling, ask clarifying questions like “please give me an example” or “tell me more” instead.

12. Don’t Interrupt

Listen without interrupting; ask for feedback if needed to assure a clear understanding of the other’s point of view.

13. Summarize

Summarize what you believe you heard: “So, here’s what I believe you’re saying ……..” or “This is what I just heard ……, is that accurate?”

14. Compromise

Remember, when only one person’s needs are met in a conflict, it’s NOT resolved and will continue to be an issue. Move the direction of the interaction to making it about them.

15. Be Present

Stay in the present and only bring up the past if it directly relates to the current issue being addressed.

16. No Power Plays

Making power plays like saying “I’m the owner”, “I’m your father”, or “I’m the boss” gives your power to the other person. Your power comes from your resolution to succeed. Build power with them so you both win, rather than building power over them