Why You Must Face Your Past

6 Reasons to Go Back & Get Closure

August 14, 2023 | Emotional Health
By Adam Gragg

The reason to go back and your past is so that you’re no longer victimized by it. Denial and its various forms (e.g., minimization, rationalization, avoidance, etc.) allow your past to continue to negatively impact your mindset and emotional health.

Putting it to rest, accepting it, letting it go, it’s all the same thing. If you’ve dealt with it, and there’s no negative energy there, then no need to rehash the past. If not, then doing the work to let it go WILL get you unstuck. Unprocessed trauma causes FEAR is running your life. Your self-worth, your decisions, and your relationships are all impacted by this FEAR.

Letting go is NOT living in denial, as some might think. Denial is self-deception while letting go means being deeply honest with yourself.

I want my clients to live full and free lives so they are not held back by the past. I challenge clients to process and come to terms with past trauma, so they can LET THAT SH*T GO!

“What we walk away from, shying away from, ostensibly forgetting, is dangerously close to us. And eventually, it will return, but with redoubled force.” ~ Carl Jung

6 Reasons To Go Back & Get Closure

Reason #1: So You Can Be Fully Yourself

You’re the product of all the events in your life, the good and the bad. Hiding from, or minimizing, the impact of past trauma means living life without being fully yourself. Needing to hide parts of yourself creates deep-seated anxiety.

Reason #2: So Fear No Longer Has Its Way

Anxiety is often connected to not processing and failing to accept past events. Everyone needs closure. Pain and resentment that aren’t processed turn into fear. It becomes a subconscious fear of that bad situation happening again. Your attempts to avoid that pain create layer upon layer of sensitivities that keep you stuck. You react and let fear make your decisions, rather than trusting yourself.

Reason #3: To Stop It From Harming You Further

When you don’t deal with negative experiences from your past, they harm your life today. Addiction is one way people avoid dealing with trauma. It’s safer to be consumed by an addictive habit (e.g. substances, avoidance, worry, etc.) than to experience the pain of healing. Denial, minimization, and secrecy are strong temptations. If you live there, you’ll never see how what happened previously impacts you today. You’ll react to situations, rather than intentionally making choices.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
– Brene Brown

Reason #4: To Not Be Weighed Down

Your bygones will be a drag if you don’t deal with them. They slow you down and keep you stuck. It’s like running a 2-mile race with a 100-pound backpack. Why would you want something slowing you down? Take off your backpack by dealing with, and letting go, of the stuff weighing you down.

Reason #5: So You Can Live with Confidence

Life has a way of forcing everyone to deal with their core issues. Your junk keeps coming back up until it’s successfully laid to rest. People with unfinished business live with the fear that everything will implode knowing subconsciously the stuff they’re avoiding will raise its head again. When you work through your pain, you can rest in the present.

Reason #6: So You Can Make Sense of It All

Your mind won’t rest until it comes to terms with what happened. Talking about your past with a friend or counselor can bring clarity and perspective. You’ll start to see how you’ve grown rather than how you’ve been damaged. Talk about it, come to terms with it, and then you can let go of it. Acceptance is the answer.

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6 Things You Must Accept to Make Peace with Your Past

The hurt (e.g. abandonment, assault, abuse, accident, etc.) you’ve experienced has wounded your heart.
You’re worthy of love and acceptance despite going through this experience.
Your trauma is different than others in scope and magnitude AND worthy of being addressed.
Yes, some people will judge you, AND some people will love and accept you through your healing.
There will be freedom eventually after you courageously deal with your hurt & let it go.
You must open up to others about what you’ve gone through, but only to those who are safe and who love and accept you.

If you have read this far, I’m sure you’re wondering what the solution is. What does someone do to deal with unhealed hurts? I would first encourage you to talk to a professional and find a support group. Here are a couple of activities that you can process through yourself or with someone you trust.

Activity #1: Start a Life Timeline

This activity will give you insight into your past, and why you have certain triggers (e.g. fears, perspectives, setbacks, etc.), and help you understand yourself better.

Step 1: List any traumatic events that have happened in your life. Examples: car accidents, neglect, divorce, etc.

Step 2: List how you felt at the time and how it impacted you. If you don’t remember, list how you think it impacted you.

Step 3: Describe how you feel about the situation now and how it impacts you today. Examples: “I fear abandonment,” “I’m terrified of being embarrassed.”

Step 4: List any questions you have about what happened. Questions for your family, a counselor, or even a person who hurt you.

Activity #2: Life Lessons

Answer these 3 questions related to each event you’ve identified as traumatic in your life timeline from Activity #1:

1. What could you have done differently?

Example: NOTHING. I was a victim, and therefore, couldn’t have done anything to prevent what happened to me.

2. What can you learn from going through this experience?

Example: I learned that it was not my fault. I’ve seen myself as defective because of what happened, and I’m learning this isn’t true.

3. How can you apply this lesson moving forward?

Example: I need to listen to my intuition with trusting, or not trusting, other people.

Your past makes you beautiful not tainted. Doing the work of going back and getting closure is often the scariest, and most courageous, personal growth endeavor someone can engage in.