If you get anxious about extra time with family and friends over the holidays, this information will help. Here are tools for getting past your fears so you can engage in the fun.
7 Secret Relationship Tools
Tool #1: Lower Your Expectations
Having unrealistic expectations of yourself and others is the root cause of most stress. Learn to accept people for who they are. If you mess up on something you’re preparing, someone is running late, or things don’t go as planned, learn to let it go. Everything will work out. At the end of an event, be happy if it’s a 7, on a scale of 1 – 10.
Tool #2: Ice Breakers Are a Blast
Intentionally get conversations started. A common icebreaker on Thanksgiving is to have everyone share something they’re thankful for over the past year. Here are 11 Fun Ice Breakers for more ideas.
Tool #3: Be Genuinely Curious
Learn about people. Ask open-ended questions they’ll enjoy discussing (e.g. kids, job, sports, hobbies, etc.) and listen. Don’t talk about yourself unless asked. Prepare great questions in advance. Here are some of my favorite questions to ask clients. Here are 47 questions for getting to know people better.
Tool #4: Try Something New
Take a risk by trying something new. Make a new pie or try a new recipe. Play a new game. Invite guests over for the meal. Do this especially if it makes you uncomfortable. I hear more regrets from people about things they DIDN’T do in life than what they DID do and failed at (and if you learned something it wasn’t failure anyway).
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Tool #5: Don’t Take Things Personally
Let others be negative. Their negativity has nothing to do with you, rather it’s because they’re hurting and protecting themselves from getting hurt again. It’s not personal. Focus on their positive qualities and choose not to give your power away.
Tool #6: Gratitude
Gratitude channels your focus away from your fears towards your opportunities. By focusing on the good in your life, your demeanor changes and your approach others becomes more positive and open. Here are 25 of my favorite gratitude questions.
Tool #7: Appreciate, Admire, Thankful For …..
An appreciating asset is one that’s increasing in value over time. When you express sincere appreciation and admiration towards others, they in turn, start seeing themselves as more valuable. Use this Adjectives Checklist to brainstorm things you admire, appreciate, and are thankful for in your family and friends.
Holidays are opportunities not only for rest but for personal growth. Make the most of them and don’t take these special times with people you love for granted.
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